Getting Back Your Small Talk Chops
You’re Not Alone
You are not alone if, over the past couple of years, you've lost your small talk chops. Physical isolation and political divisions even among friends, family, and colleagues, haven't necessarily helped.
Some people haven't lost their chops because they didn't have them before the pandemic. Just reaching out to people via text or call was not in their comfort zone.
Small Talk Basics
Let's start with the basics. Two recent studies indicate that most people incorrectly predict that others will not be open to others initiating a conversation, whether they're people they know or strangers. The vast majority of people enjoy it when others initiate friendly conversations with them. Liking attention is something human beings have in common.
The Breadcrumbs
There is an art to small talk. It's all about breadcrumbs. We throw out breadcrumbs of simple observations or questions that express interest in a light, inconsequential conversation.
Everyone Has a Story
For people we know, it can innocently begin with a reference to how we were thinking about them recently and are wondering about something specific we know about them. For people we don't know, it can simply begin with asking how their day has been so far, or if it's early, how their day is looking. Stay mindful that everyone has a story and like people who express even the slightest interest in their story.
Our Response
Our small talk response is uncomplicated. We just share whatever about our story might relate to theirs. Or we can ask for more about anything that strikes us about their story.
Casual, Brief & Light
The key is to keep everything casual, brief, and light. We're not burdening the conversation with complaints, grievances, or issues best suited for therapy sessions. Correspondingly, we are not helpful. It's all about a brief, enjoyable exchange in life's small moments between other moments.
”Have You…?”
One type of back-pocket question for small talk is “Have you…?” varieties. These express interest in whether someone has seen or heard something we have. For strangers, we can ask if they have been to a common venue like a new shop, store, restaurant, pub, or walking trail. This can lead to all kinds of stories and related curiosities. For people whose interests and lives we know, we can ask whether they have read, heard, or seen something we have or that’s been popular. We can ask about people they know or we both know. Gossip accounts for over 80% of human conversations. It is a glue that connects.
Back-Pocket Questions
The key to back-pocket questions is to keep a collection of them for any occasion, so they are immediately accessible in planned and unplanned moments. We can grow the list by adding those we hear from others as well.
Small Talk Exits
Small talk exits are as important as entrances. There are people who actively avoid small talk because they have no clue how to gracefully exit from them. One of the easiest ways to segue is by asking what the rest of their day is like, followed by what we have in store, and specifically what we're about to do. This makes good-bye thanks or best wishes natural.
Text or Call
So, the next time you think of someone to reach out to, hesitate for a full 5 seconds and then send the text or make the call, knowing there is another human being on the planet who will love hearing from someone genuinely interested in their story.
Would You Like to Test a Manager Playbook?
At Thrive at Work, we’re pulling together our favorite tactics into a “playbook” that we can share with other leaders. If you’d like to be one of our early adopters/testers, please sign up here, and we’ll connect with you.
Looking to Connect?
If you’re looking for more help in any of these areas, send us an email or book a time to chat further. We love problem-solving with you!